I'M ASKING you "What in the world should we do?"
This light is green our break is through.
Are we not trying or are we trying too hard?
Well, you know I never want to miss,
I hold on tight and reminisce.
But it's bittersweet to me.
When time stands still as it's trapped inside
the letterbox you gave back to me.
But I'm the one who keeps on reading.
But I'm the one who wants to let it go.
I'm the first to speak.
You're the last to know.
Another scene that we're creating,
I need to know if we're still making useless progress.

Waiting for the rain to stop.
Destination: beautiful.
Seems that I'm still waiting for the sun. (Whoa whoa)
Someday will come back to us, if you're willing let it go.
Why won't you just let this be your sun?
It seems like yesterday we had the world our way.
But some (whoa) say we're headed for destruction.
________________________________________________________
We were
A stormy night turned summer day
Then turned to gray
Ominous clouds rumbled
While we were on the beach
But we just celebrated
The ending of the thunder

You kept laughing
While I watched
The sun fade into
Fog

You brought me offerings of
Palm tree leaves
And I buried
My feet deeper in the sand

You climbed atop a tree
To show your devotion

And I struck you with a lightning bolt.

And I got singed.
__________________________________________________________________
I don't know how to not love you, I only know how to not let you go
___________________________________________________________________
Drowning, just as fast as I can.
But don't throw me a line,
don't reach out your hand.

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I kill myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wish for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
It's all I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah

It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
And you can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
And you choke on the regrets yeah
Who the hell did I think I was
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
________________________________________________________________
I'm dying to know

Do you like dreaming of things

so impossible or only the practical

or ever the wild or waiting through all your bad bad days

just to end them with

someone you care about

and do you like making out

and long drives and brown eyes

yeah do you like them

if yes, I'll see you there.

___________________________________________________________________________
She's got a pretty smile it covers up the poison that she hides
She walks around in circles in my head waiting for a chance to take me a
Chance to break me a chance to take me down now i see this burden you gave me is too much to
Carry too much to bury inside i guess you're the only one that nobody changes
I guess you're the only one left standing when everything else goes down
You're still the only one, you're still the only one
It's all shallow and all so appealing I'm up to my ankles and i'm drowning
Anyway in a sea of sarcastic faces familiar places where everything looks
Quite the same here it's all confusingly amusing bitter and tainted
The picture you painted to me i guess you're the only one that nobody changes i guess you're
The only one left standing when everything else goes down you're still the only one
Who will never change faces i guess you're the only one left standing
When everything else goes down just 'cause it's all in your head
Doesn't mean it has to be in mine don't believe what you said still can't get it out of my mind
I've tried to find myself in approval i've already been there already done that it got me nowhere
It brought me nothing but a good place to hide in no one to confide in now
I guess you're the only one that nobody changes i guess you're the only one who will never
Change faces
___________________________________________________________________
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Got lost or thrown away
And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame

so fkn $^#

yo i cant deal with this shit liek everyone is fkn doin al their hmwk like they should and i just dont give a fuck anymore and then im just digging my hole deeper and then i feel more like giving up

what i want and what i should are so completely different in every possible aspect im stuck

aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

theres no fucking answer to anything

i want something i cant have and not having it is making me sad and having half of it still was making me sad and wtf

i dont wana do anything thers no fucking easy way out and nothing can make it easier except time but u cant just let it go by bc everyone else keeps right on chuggin and givin u more hmwk and fluctuating their feelings for you friends or whoever

and no one wants to hear it anymore
bc
you and them both know theres no amount of advice thats gona fix it
and they have their own shit goin on

so heres my fkn journal my best friends, the only unbiased place i can tell about my problems bc it doesnt have any of its own and doesnt have any feelings towards me at all

ikosdjnjfk%^&#%&@#%!@

time being wasted

Here I am
Alone again
Eating old food
Wishing it tasted good
Trying to catch up
On the endlessly growing stack of papers
Wishing I could forget it all
And crawl into bed

I miss summer when it was just me and love and nothing else
All of me was synchronized
Body heart and mind.
I spent boring hours in an office
But enjoyed the company of people
And the freedom of a car

There was nothing over my head
And I wished it could last forever

But here I am
Eating old food
Wishing it tasted good
Like his kisses everynight
Before cuddling close and
Dreaming together

Waking up in his arms
Eager for a morning hug
Tolerating the boring job
Planning excitement and
Enjoyement
Endless entertainment
That’s all it was

And here I am
Alone again.

Lost in memories
Pretending I can hit Pause on time
While I reminisce

Struggling to live here now
To confront what life has for me now

Wondering why the hours went so slow and now
They’re racing minutes
to see who can keep me
Lost
For longer.


thanks to eri-good song
the perishers-my heart

trying and failing to be productive
its like i forgot how to read and learn anything
and suddnly its dinner time when i just had breakfast and only 1/2 a chapter's been completed

wes says to drop out and join the circus
maybe thats a good idea

who says u have to go to college now when ure young
thats the only time u can do anything else with ure life
once u graduate u gota get a job n start ure life etc

whats the rush

but no im on a conveyor belt
and i know its logical and practical and efficent and all that

but i miss

confusion

September 20 2006

its been awhile, a longgggg while

well here i am
on a break/broken up from my boyfriend.
im at school now, college in boston...
no more new haven, no more of my own room own house own family own car
now i share everything all the time even my food and time asleep
i dont really like that
i miss having my very own

even though all summer i had a type of roomate as well, but i guess it was "ours" not mine and his...rather than with a roomate its hers and mine,.


but yea, as i heard today in my meeting that made me thing
"ppl get homesick and they call home and their boyfriends everyday, but that doesnt solve it long term, they need to get roots here, and feel like they belong"

and thats very very true for me right now, last year i didnt have roots

anyway so this song:

Chasing Cars
We'll do it all
Everything
On our own
We don't need
Anything
Or anyone
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life
All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

is very important
and i get the feeling of sitting on a beach at sunset on a cold beach alone and staring at the navy waves

and my thoughts are half swimming in the water the other half falling like fireworks through the sunset


anyway tho
i wish i had time to waste
i wish i could be in 2 places at once
i wish i could

put life on PAUSE (so i can catch up on work, school, being here etc, REWIND(to the summer) or Fast Forward (so I kno whats gona happen and where ill be and everyone else)