ok one more movie

This is Garden State. It is excellent while under the influence of a splendid leaf.
I wish i had this to watch right now w my roomie. i also would like platanitos to munch on.

Beyond Borders-see it.

Very Compelling!, January 27, 2006 Reviewer: S. Jenkins
"Beyond Borders" spans three war-torn, third-world countries. This is a five-star movie in my opinion simply because you leave wondering how you can help. The love story is not the focus of the movie. It is simply used to connect the settings. The focus of the movie is the men, women and children displaced by war and famine across the world. It is an attempt to spotlight an issue that most of us do not think about, but which we should. You leave the movie feeling lucky that you have a home and food, and wonder how you can help those who are less fortunate. Scenery is breathtaking. The humanitarian effort is valiant and endearing. Deeply moving and inspiring. This movie is a very well-crafted, well-directed, and well-acted wake-up call, a valuable education, and good story. I find it difficult to understand how some people could watch this movie and not be moved. Angelina Jolie and Clive Owen were fantastic. Great job! This film is one of a kind.

breese and I want to live in la casa:

the Theme of our room will be-Summer on an spanish island :)

Me in Honduras. a typical store in Central America-aka where breese& want to live. Tortilla & refried beans-yummmmmmm i could eat this every day. What our room is gona look like: crazy bright colors. Breese in Cuba

pets

Breese STILL says we cant get a hamster next year or she'll throw it out the window
but she said maybe we could have a HEDGEHOG! : )

mornin

ooook
lol i had 3 shots and was tipsy but wouldn't let myself go anywhere/breese wouldnt go anywhere
so me and my wasted roomate and her 2 friends looked for eastern europeans on facebook bc her frined has a fetish. lol
and oh but i texted the friend who wasnt talkin to me and he wrote back once like "actually i kinda miss u i hope ure alrite" and even the fact that he wrote back made me feel better :) and then yea then i fell asleep
and now i feel like working (why is it easier to wake up at 8am then 9 something?)
i basically can't work at night anymore-its wierd.
ps this girl who was a senior at choate when i was a freshman and we were kinda friends poked me on facebook. random

i have a knack for fallin for the good parts of assholes

n im terrible at letting them go.

also terrible at getting my work done when everyone else is partying and im falling asleep.

today

went to work in davis sq today, took an hour and a half to read 15 pages in soc bc i took so many notes and thought about it, but overalll it was ok, tho this morning i was snappy and stressed
and then i got all sad about how i miss a former friend of mine and now hes gone :(
but ALAS and MOST meetings were real fun, good ppl
and its almost the wknd
tho i havent finishd hmwk

Random Event of the Day
@ starbucks
was in a really bad mood and stressed
but exposure was fun i need to learn real photo aka use shutter speed n stuff
then fougth with miguel and wasted time in room

at brooks pharmacy had such a wierd experience
im standing there in line and this short old lady with bluegreen eyes and overmagnifying glasses pushes this metal shopping cart with this tall metal pole attached to it which goes up in the air(what is that for?) and comes near me. she has two items: protective underwear, and cleanser..(for denchers?). She mutters how she needs to sit down, not in a complaining way, and waddles around until shes planted above the seat, preps herself withher cane, and eases down with a groan. I imagine when i was sore from tae kwon do and how it hurt so much to do anything-is that what its like to be old? your whole body hurts, for no reason?
An old man teeters by with a hearing aid and a huge pipe with a figurehead of a girl on it. The woman comments “thast quite a pipe you got there”. “i collect them, and I use them” he explains. She mentions that her husband used to as well. the man shufles off to the precription counter. I think what a clash it is that in the one headphone I have some young black rapper goes on about how he wants some “fly honey” to dance with him..while the other ear witnesses an elderly exchange between people who are so far removed from the world in my other ear. The stout, round woman says to no one in particular “it’s my birthday”. She turns to me and says “but if i told u how old i am, you wouldn’t believe me”. She continues anyway and clearly states with a glance at me “I am eighty-five years old. the only reason I say it is because I can’t belive it. I have several friends, from school, and we can’t belive we made it to this point. Actually they’re older, I’m the younger one”. She has stood up by now, slowly, and chuckles “you probably think im silly now”, and walks away. I think about the incident as I gaze absentmindedly ahead, thinking what itd be liek to be old, and notice that the entire wall is filled iwth different types of condoms. What a juxtaposition.

a new friend

just had a splendid conversation getting to know and introducing myself with a new friend on aim...simultaneously reading a whole 3 pages-and im serious when I say i feel productive

im all american w/ brown skin n a love for latinos
my mom grew up in savannah and my dad in new haven
and they were educated hippies
lol, i do what i want mostly
im surprised i turned out so well
him: well u learn for u mistakes
eesh, you'd think i would...i dono i always fuck up the little things but excel at the big ones...
does that make any sense?
yea, like ask breese? im crazy disorganized hyper emotional and ridiculous
but somehow i do well at class, am mad into social justice and make friends all the time
lol, im lucky
i shoulda been beggin for food on the street in bogota
its a wierdass concept
lol yea..thats why im so surprised i do what i do considering the lack of organization and all that
thats why i have breese n my boyfriend, to keep me sane sometimes

Him:hahaah well I'm a firm believer in dating outside of tuftsbut
I don't encourage long-distance relationships
lol it is pretty distracting but he comes here a lot
i agree with both points actuall
i had a high school boyfriend that we ended when i came here, n then a relationship here that ended in flames
ok do i kno this person
yup
im still kinda sore about it bc we were like best friends and then he decided never to talk to me again
no one deserves to be treated like that
especially mynewbest friends
I GOT UR BACK
agreed..but, what can u do, hes a complicated fellow
i did Everything i could to fix things esp. bc i have no idea what i did wrong
and eventually breese was like-accept it. so, guess thats it.
my high school bf was complicated too
u kno how to pick them
n then showed him the love worth fighting for piece

and now its bedtime

overwhelmed is an understatement

im like superexcited over a billion social justice things
like multicultural forum, going back to honduras, sociology, photography!

also about 32428394791y329 pages behind in um, everything
and havin a boyfriend is so damn distracting! haha in a good way but when Erica (ILU!) is teling ME to do my HMWK and not talk about boys or party...its reached a certain point, lmao

but yea ok work time just had to get that out there n heres a pic to remind me who im workin for in life

my random comments while severely sleep-deprived

Feb 7 getting lots of work done. (12:04:15 PM)

Breese: "Focus, Lolly"
"Focus... focus....FOCUS!!... homelessness.... oo 3 hours of sleep... interphase one. proceed. (british accent). if you were a large feline, what would you be?... If you ever find yourself speared by something, don't let them take it out because you'll die, moral of the story... When i was little i growled at people... dude being a surgeon would be mad weird... bleaaghk. What if you had a clear stomach? It'd be like 'oh look i'm full!. hey i'm drunk!'.....let's make up a dance. Let's make Rony customize one that we can do... you should get ur belly button pierced so u can play with it..."

more creativity instead of working

since i love photo and think
pictures express so much more than words sometimes
so ill either put a picture that expresses my mood and or a recent snapshot of what ive been up to

thats the beach, i spent an hour looking at pics of tropical beaches...aka where i wana be


this is friday night 2/4, me, breese, my roomie maggie and melissa, before a nite out

creative mood

crazy wknd whats new
avoiding hmwk as usual

I really like this passage from the book im reading Invisible Man:

"I was to remember sooner than I thought.....community leaders without followers; old men of sixty or more sitll caught up in post-civil war dreams of freedom within segregation. the pathetic ones who possesd nothing beyond their dreams of beiung gentlemen, who held small jobs or drew small pensions, and all pretending to be engaged in some cast, throuch obscure, enterprise, who affested the pseudo-courtly manners of certain southern congressmen and bowed and nodded as they passed like senile old roosters in a barnyardl the younger crowd for whom i now felt a contempt such as only a disillusioned dreamer feels for those stil unaware that they dream-the business students from souther colleges, for whom business was a vague, abstract game with reules as obsolete as Noash's ark but who yet were drunk on finance. Yes, and the older group with similar aspirations, the"fundamentalists" the "actors" who to achieve the status of brokers thorugh imagination alone."-Ellison


I really think this fits me perfectly;
I always wanted a certain kind of love,
I want it to be inconvient,
I want to sacrafice for it.
I want the kind of love
that wakes me up at 3 am.
I want love that hurts,
love that I have to work for.
I want love that tests me.
I want the kind of love
that is hard to find
and hard to keep
and never easy.
I want the kind of love
where you get hurt.
I want love
that makes me cry.
I want to hold on even if
it takes me through
my worst nightmares.
But most of all
I want the kind of love
thats worth it.

think about it, is that what you want? because its not the ideal romance by any sort of typical way

anyways, im really behind in work from daydreaming, friends visiting and enjoying the globally warmed winter

i have a meeting everyday this week

im really enjoying my classes though, even though im a week ago according to the syllabus
feel free to comment

nothin left to do but move on

and life wanders on and sometimes you forget to look up and realize how everything's changing around you and about you and you cling to fragments of the past too attached to move through time but when you get to now you cross your fingers and hope you're headed somewhere better than before.

JADED
would be the word
skeptical, cynical, mistrusting,

yea but each time i have to let someone go it makes the space they were smaller so its harder for someone else to get in

i just feel like so many things are falling apart
a good friend of mine once said
it can feel like drowning

its just so hard to lose something you care about for no reason, when it would be so easy to make things better, why throw good things away?

no day but today

2/2
my half birthday
not exactly celebrating
lost a good friend of mine for no reason
continually fighting with another former everything
chatted with the new one

cryin on shoulders

so much work to do

im terrible at letting go and i hate not having control

this all makes me so sad and stressed